Feeling the pangs of sadness as my downsizing effort continues.

Yesterday, a lady and her granddaughters were driving their golf cart down our dead-end street and the lady was pointing at my flowers. I asked her if she wanted any and after a little discussion, she decided that she would like short, red ones. We exchanged phone numbers and I told her I would text her when they were ready. I always put together a list like the one below so people know what they are getting and she was thrilled when she saw it.

But then I looked at the list of new daylilies that I added just this year and it was 15! How in the world can I be downsizing when I am adding more than I am getting rid of? So my regret is partly because I got rid of some very nice daylilies and partly because I'm not really downsizing at all.

Been thinking a lot about how people place a value on certain things. I love my daylilies but sometimes wish I could let go of the importance that I place on them. Hobbies and collecting are like that. They become obsessions. My dh has been very helpful over the years when it comes to creating new garden areas, but he wouldn't hesitate one second to turn all of my gardens back to lawn if I were to pass away.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble and for listening. These five daylilies have a new home and I hope they bring joy to their new owner.

Vickie, I think you have achieved step 1 in the Hemeroholics Anonymous program. Good luck with your "downsizing".

I agree with Dave in wishing you well on your chosen path... not a path I would choose, though.

I spent more than 20 years as a caregiver to both of my parents (and I am not an only child)... Now that they have both passed, this is 'my' time to enjoy what I want to do. (And that's gardening.)

I've put all the land into trust for family members to enjoy when I am gone, but my gardens are my self-reward for all the things I had to give up when my parents were 'first' in my priorities. I don't apologize to anyone for it and Ron, bless him, has been supportive of my choices 200%. (He's one of a kind.)

When I'm gone, if they turn the gardens under, well - c'est la vie! They should do with the land whatever they want to, it will be their turn to enjoy it.

But Vickie - I don't understand the sense that you have of 'needing' to downsize. Why? If you enjoy your daylilies so much, have a passion / obsession ...? So what? Where is the harm? Live your daylily days and take the small pleasures for what they are: a tranquil peace and beauty in a transient world.

Vickie,
So many of us are in the same boat. It is just so hard to cull and so easy to buy.

Thanks Dave and Larry! When I realized I added 15 daylilies this year alone, it was a shock. I am going to have to rethink my plan of action, lol.

Dianne, your perspective on how to spend the time we are given really hits home and thank you for the virtual head slap to get me out of the doldrums, lol! My need to downsize, and probably the main reason, is age-related ailments... Arthritis in my right hand and a knee problem that isn't getting any better but doesn't require surgery yet, makes keeping up with the garden less pleasurable. I spent last night with an ice pack on my knee.

Another reason for downsizing is that I don't see my garden as beautiful as it was a few years ago. The clumps are all running together and I can't get to the weeds. I really liked it when I had space between the plants and I don't want to add another flower bed. When I look back at my pictures from 15 years ago, I had a more diverse flower garden. I now regret getting rid of some of those shrubs to make room for more daylilies.

blue23rose said: My need to downsize, and probably the main reason, is age-related ailments... Arthritis in my right hand and a knee problem that isn't getting any better but doesn't require surgery yet, makes keeping up with the garden less pleasurable. I spent last night with an ice pack on my knee.

Another reason for downsizing is that I don't see my garden as beautiful as it was a few years ago. The clumps are all running together and I can't get to the weeds. I really liked it when I had space between the plants and I don't want to add another flower bed. When I look back at my pictures from 15 years ago, I had a more diverse flower garden. I now regret getting rid of some of those shrubs to make room for more daylilies.

Vickie, believe me, I get it! I've dislocated one knee (4) times over the years and it always aches. Getting up and down is not as easy as it was even 20 years ago. And when I tell people this 'is' my 'retirement job' they don't believe I'm old enough to retire. (Fooled 'em.)

But I plan to be 'doing' for as long as I'm breathing. I'm either going to drop in the gardens (good fertilizer) or when I'm hiking one of the Peaks with Ron... (my dad used to tell me that would be inconsiderate, because someone will have to go up to bring me down... I told him, they should just toss me off).

Turn yours into a Cottage Garden (if you can see dirt, plant something)! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Im trying to let go of stuff as well, and what did I just do, buy more seeds, I had so many seeds this year I just started opening the pods and dumping the seeds. I did plant some right from the pod after thats what Larry was doing, darn sure did get some to sprout that way.

Wow, Dianne… your resolve to keep gardening and hiking is an inspiration to keep going and to not let aches and pains get in the way of doing what you love. ❤️ Thank you.

Lol, Pam! I guess gardening is in our DNA. It is just who we are.

I have been in this same place now after growing dl for 25 years. I find my soil here is not good, the rodents have ruined many things, we have had torrential downpours in the springs here and just weird weather over all that has caused it to be harder to grow them successfully. I have found I am unable to keep up w them physically and not only that but this year we have been so dry. They say dl don't need much water. Well they don't need alot to survive, but if you want them to actually look nice I have found they like lots of water. Spending 2 hours a day now watering, 1 hr am and 1 hr pm. I have a hard time wrangling the hose nowadays. I'd like to plant a more diverse garden with interest for more seasons and winter. I am also tired of ordering dl from places that send tiny little scrawny things that have to be on life support for 2 years before they bloom. They crown rot, they don't make the first winter and it is a waste of money. I lost about 1/2 of the plants this year that I bought this spring . In 25 years I have never had anything like that. I have found dividing them to be too physically challenging as time goes on. I am also tired of trying new things to only be disappointed in the performance. Some things that are supposed to get really tall or have high bud counts, well they just don't do that for me. I have weeds here SO bad, nothing like I ever had at my prior house, and I have come to realize after 10 years of battling that here, that the weeds will dictate much of what I plant from here out. It has to be vigorous enough to hold it's own or it won't make it. Quack grass, Bermuda grass, white clover, and wild violets, the ground ivy(creeping charlie) has literally choked out so many things. I am also giving up somewhat on Iris. So tired of trying to care for them. The weeds take them over, the constant spring rains and wet winters=rot. I get a good bloom season about every 3 years on average. I feel a great pressure to get rid of things not performing up to my standards as I am tired of spinning my wheels caring for them. Deciding what stays or goes and what to add is really hard. Sometimes I have found it helpful to ask myself "If this died, would I replace it?" if the answer is no, I shovel it up.

I like that idea of asking if this plant died would I replace it? There are a lot of my daylilies that would not pass that test, yet.. I am not ready to dig them up. They have not died, they have persisted and lived and some years thrive. So I hope no one puts me in my grave before I die. But when I look at plants for the cull list, that will be one of the questions I will ask, "If this died, would I replace it?"
I know it is hard for some people to understand the mind set of people as they age, but we don't have the strength, the will, the stamina, and often the finances to personally keep up our gardens the way we would like and we may not be able hire the labor and to continue to buy high priced amendments.. everything is way more expensive.
I feel blessed at my age to be able to do what I do, but I sit here thinking right now.. Should I go and try to pick up those giant bags of grass clippings I saw just down the block, will I throw my back out, injury my shoulder, hurt my legs that are just now getting well. Oh well, my daughter is visiting and her car is blocking the drive so I'll put that question off for a while. I know ageing takes a toll, and I do believe we nearly all reach a point where we can enjoy smaller gardens, but we sure will miss the larger ones we have had over the years.

@Frillylily
I know 'tired' when I hear it... brain tired, spirit tired, soul tired.
I'm sorry, but you need a big

Years ago, my oldest brother's wife told me, "God only gives you what you can handle." And she (and He) must be right, because every time I get really down... something wonderful changes in my life, and I remember the world isn't about me. I was not put here to change the world... only my little corner of it.

Maybe your corner of it is too big... maybe you can make it a bit more manageable.

I agree with you: when a plant jumps out of the garden to a place it does not belong, I mow that sucker right over.

And when the weeds come into the gardens, I put down thick cardboard and mulch right over top of them... between the occlusion (no light) and the composting over time, it actually turns weeds into rich soil. And worms love cardboard, it's their favourite food. (Did you know that all 'brown' paper and 'brown' boxes actually have manure in them? True: part of the process.)

I have a 5-month winter: I wait 7 months of the year for 2 months of mud-season, 2 months of summer gardening and 1 month of fall colour - hey, life gives us lemons, let's make lemonade. (I'm sorry, but I am an incurable optimist.)

So come vent with us, we're all gardeners here. We all get tired, we all lose plants & have plans go awry, we all have aches and pains... and we all still get up tomorrow morning and go back out to the garden. (What the heck is wrong with us...?! )

And sometimes, we all need a You can find a way to balance things out, you can cut down on the size of your gardens, you can take a day off (sometimes) just to play hookey... But just don't quit on yourself: you deserve better.

And the heat😩.

I do think that finding and planting native plants is a great way to enjoy and make the most of wherever you are located. I have been bitten by the daylily bug, but certain cultivars thrive here while others don't. I am finding out which those are. I am interested in planting more native plants as well.

I am blessed in my 60s to be able to ride my horse and do my gardening myself. I can see myself cutting back on my plants and needing more help as I get older.

Native plants are less fussy, too, and often more beneficial to the local wildlife. And we don't have to convince them to survive, either.

I feel like I'm the youngster of the bunch.
Ya'll are awesome- some great advice and heartfelt stories.

"If it died, would I replace it?" Fabulous Q (just got more fans of Pink Stripes, which I lost years ago). That will help guide the next round of shoveling. Seedlings beware…
Which natives can I plant amongst the DL's? Hmm… research this one

Am I enjoying this enough to expand, downsize, or stay as is? No brainer right now, I'd expand if I had room.

I agree, He gives us what we can handle mentally and emotionally, and gentle reminders that as time moves, we move less. The physical part- that's the one we don't escape forever.

I know that I first got into Daylilies as a hobby, a side hustle, and grew to love the flowers, growing seedlings and the community here.

I'm so glad so many have the support of loved ones with their daylily or gardening hobby/addiction. It's something I share with loved ones, though they're not as ridiculous as I am.

Blessed, joyous day all. May it give a reason to smile, reflect and be at peace.

I lost another pink stripes this year. Im so done with it, not even thinking about it.

Asking "if this died, would I replace it" is a great question, Frillylilly. I need to ask myself that more often. When you mentioned wild violets, I almost cringed. They crop up at the base of my daylilies and I cannot seem to get ahead of them. I fight the Japanese beetles for at least six weeks from the last week of June until at least the first week of August. My roses never get a second flush of blooms and this year they are eating things that I've never seen them on before. I get so tired of fighting them every year.

Larry, I agree that it is a mindset change that takes place as we get older. I think part of my downsizing is not just the number of daylilies I have, but maybe also the size of my garden.

I know in my heart that Dianne is right about choosing to be positive, getting it out of our system by venting, and then going back to gardening as we did before because it is what we love to do. I love your optimism, Dianne!

"smile, reflect and be at peace." Such a beautiful thought, Diana. I feel peaceful just saying it.

Such a wonderful suggestion, Nan, about planting more native plants. And I appreciate all the wonderful comments and support from all of you! You're the best!

I think some of it stems from our preconceived notions of what our garden should be, meeting expectations that are not reality. We see photos and videos of other gardens that are 'perfect' to our eye (maybe the camera just didn't capture that one crappy unmaintained area, right?) so we feel our garden must be that way too.
I have come to the realization that I will not ever be able to keep all the weeds out all the time or even some of the time. There will always be weeds. So I can choose to ignore them and enjoy the garden that does thrive, or be miserable looking at them and not get enjoyment out of the other. In my mind I can't have it both ways. I get so tickled at people who have gardens in posh little neighborhoods with sodded grass, and they like oh, I have weeds too! while pulling their 3 weeds a week. They have no idea Everyone's situation is different. If you live in an area that doesn't get a lot of rain, you won't have nearly the weeds as us that get rain about every day for weeks in the spring-the weeds take over in a fierce hurry. I know now, that trying to keep up with them is unrealistic.

I am just bummed this year that I lost so many new plants.

Vickie, @blue23rose,

It gets easier as you go, particularly if your growing space is limited. I've been downsizing for some years now, even while adding a few.(from over 1100 to under 300 this fall.). My criterion now is this: if in doubt about whether to keep it or not, I ask myself if this is one I'd be excited enough about jump out of bed at 6 AM to see it bloom. If you can answer no, it's easier to let it go. Lol.

That helps, because I've gotten rid of most of the " under achievers" and only have kept those I really, really like. It is nice to be able to spread those that remain planted with good spacing, and room for companion plants.

I ask myself if this is one I'd be excited enough about jump out of bed at 6 AM to see it bloom. If you can answer no, it's easier to let it go. Lol.


YES! For me, it was realized when I looked through photos I had taken and realized there are some I apparently rarely find worthy of snapping. Like an old shoe, they are always laying around, but no one notices them... I went out to the garden and was like, oh, I guess I do still have that one. Well out they went!